Perhaps our happy is like a piece of chocolate or a good book. While savoring the chocolate or indulging in the storyline, we reflect on the raw joy that happiness embodies. However, the longer the stent of this joy perpetuates, the more uncomfortable we become because we know all good things come to an end. All emotions, including happiness, have a beginning, middle, and end. This is a process we do not get much say in, as this is as indicative of being human as our fingers and toes. The belief here is that this process makes many of us squirm with discomfort, desperate to lean on back-up sources that are 100% reliable to generate the joy. To restock the chocolate.
I hate to say, but we cannot enjoy this chocolate all of the time. If we did, we would not know joy even if it slapped us in the face!
We embrace our happy because we have experienced otherwise. There is a purpose to the “veggies” of the emotional wheel as these cultivate resilience, internal motivation, and grit. We cannot outrun the gambit of the human experience that will undoubtedly encounter sadness, resentment, jealousy, anger, or hurt. Nor are we supposed to.
I wish there was a way to rewrite our relationship with discomfort.
From early on, we hate for our children to know the face of discomfort. We soothe their cries and kiss their booboos. However, this sort of nurturing mentality has evolved into an entity that smothers our youth’s beliefs they can do (and survive) hard things. Suddenly, we are letting the argument of “I am not going to follow through with a task because I do not enjoy it” become valid and normalized. The message that lies beneath this mentality is “I cannot embrace the emotion of happiness while partaking in something I do not like.”
This ends up biting us in the butt, folks.
We can do hard things and still dig deep into our happy.
This is a vital skill necessary for a satisfying and fulfilling life.
Because life is hard. The saying “money can’t buy happiness” rings deeply true. Buying that thing, or having this relationship with my family, or marrying that man does not guarantee a one-way ticket to paradise. Life is composed of our “pursuit” of our happy, and the fulfillment arises from the obstacles that YOU did not let dictate your responsibilities to yourself.
We are not entitled or owed our happiness. We have to do hard things in life. We have to clean our rooms, pay our bills, go to the dentist, and confront our skeletons. Just because we have to experience and face difficulties does not rob us of our capabilities to find our happy.
So, how do I find my happy?
My happy is woven into the air I breathe when I first step outside. The delicate aroma that tickles my senses as the sun hits my face without the obstruction of windows. My happy is sparked by the creatures within my world, their songs and stories delighting my soul. My happy swells at the sight of other’s smiles, the deep satisfied breath that follows as one soul connects with another. My joy lives within myself and the memories I hold close as I continue to survive the many obstacles life throws my way, my quiet confidence that hums within my heart as I embrace each and everyday with a recognition of my choices. Sure, I falter and stumble, however my happy evolves because of my choice to stand back up.
Go find your happy, my friends. Find the happy that is unarguably and passionately yours. Your joy does not deserve to be at the mercy of your partner, your parents, your children, nor your boss. Take back your joy from the hands or places it’s given it to, for this happy wants to come home to you. Know you can do hard things, and that your propensity for happy won’t depart from you without permission from your own self.