It's All Relative

Perhaps one of the most overlooked beauties of humans are the nuances that color every perspective. Just like fingerprints, no two experiences are alike. No matter if everything else aligns down to the dust particles, my perspective will vary from yours.
This beauty is often mistaken for burden.

Viktor Frankl and Irvin Yalom played major parts in the development of Existential Therapy. Within this framework, there are core concepts apart of the human condition:

 freedom and responsibility
(can’t have one without the other)

 awareness of death
(spooky)

 the search for meaning
(midlife crisis being a commonly highlighted one)

and isolation is a part of life
(bummer)

We are inevitably isolated to some degree due to our nuanced perspectives. This isn’t because of lack of trying, it’s just as true as the sky is blue. Our experiences are not meant to match 100%.

This may be the most disillusioned truth to humanity. Why? Because people sure try their darndest to clone themselves in their lenses. This fact alone perpetuates my profession. The goal to healing a lot of the time is self-actualization and individualization.

AKA
finding the courage to honor your own truth.

Generationally, we miss the mark when raising our little people.

I giggle at the irony, because I had a baby that looks very little like me. However instead of harping on this fact, we celebrate. We lean into her vivacious blonde curls and deep blue eyes. We admire the beauty of her unique experiences and the lenses she peers into the world with.
​
We become who we are from the messages we receive.

I could prioritize my parenting to indoctrinate my little monkey into a shadow closely resembling myself or my partner. We could quiet the rustlings of her novelty, shhhing them with shame, guilt, or otherwise “don’t do that, that’s not what Scotts do!”.

However, I see the pain that accompanies this rigidity within the therapy room.

As children, we are wired to be egocentric. We experience the world as if we are at the center. This isn’t out of selfishness, but out of an instinctual drive to survive. This is what perpetuated ‘survival of the fittest’. We had to be the center of our family’s world to survive ‘back in the day’.
Egocentrism does not really begin to fade until we become seven-ish years old. Then it slowly fades over time. Slowly key word.

So it shouldn’t be a shock that when adults box us into becoming their clones or bust, we carry shame from being innately different. Experiencing our perspectives differently, however being told we have control over what is secretly the uncontrollable.

We become who we are from the messages we receive. 

Embrace the differences that are promised with the human condition. Prepare yourself for the reality of nuances. Instead of fearing this, lean in with curiosity. We all have something to learn from one another, no matter the age difference.