A Bit about Boundaries

​Boundaries.
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The theme that is ever present within the walls of the therapy room. Pestering us to uphold invisible barriers to what tears us down, undermine our value systems, or inspires the ‘ick’.
I’m not sure what is more burdensome some days, to establish boundaries or to uphold them. If we have a history of chronic people pleasing (such as myself), then our systems have a habit of not so gracefully bumping into them once they are created.
People become cranky when we create boundaries if they have benefitted from us having none.

Sigh.

I exist in a persistent parody related to the sentiment ‘practice what you preach’.
Most days I lean into the humor that I am just another human that is just as susceptible to the human condition. Just in case you did not know, even therapists benefit from therapy.
I could tell you some tales from my own personal experiences of creating a boundary and sitting with the discomfort of others chaotically ricocheting off of of them.  It’s been a marathon of learning that I am, in fact, allowed to protect my peace at the expense of another's discomfort.

I am wired to caretake. To comfort. To aid in the discovery of peace and the pursuit of happiness. So much so that I embodied self-sacrifice for the sake of others. My drive evolved into a qualification of self-worth. To this day, I am quite uncomfortable not rushing to the rescue of other’s discomfort, especially when my boundary is the one to blame.
Friendly reminder that our worth is inherent, not tied to a list of conditions.

Yikes, that’s a doozy to not only preach, but practice.

As I evolve as a *more* seasoned therapist, I feel myself slowly wiping away the clown makeup of imposture syndrome. I am learning that folks seek therapy with those who embrace imperfect authenticity (ethically of course). Therapy is a space to explore the impacts of connection starvation. Loneliness is shame’s constant companion. During the moments of vulnerability that lead into these explorations, I've discovered that folks find comfort in someone real sitting across from them, not forever poised with a poker face.

Here is your reminder that your boundaries are permissible.

We can have them without the condition of a required defense.

Just as ‘no’ can serve as a complete sentence, so can your limits.
Here’s to practicing healthy boundaries, while giving yourself grace for the human moments that accompany the yuck feeling when others express discomfort by bumping into them.
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*Insert relatability here*